In Our Sadness

Lessons

There has been a lot of senseless sadness around us in the past week. Just this past Friday, 6/8, world renowned and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain took his own life in France while working on his CNN TV series. Last Tuesday, 6/5, internationally known fashion designer Kate Spade was found dead in her home due to an apparent suicide.

This is senseless loss, that never should have taken place, yet it has been around us for decades. No one has taken any measures to find out why. The medical society has no pills or shots that can remove this serious state of depression and sadness. Family and friends are still not educated enough to recognize the signs or, if they do, don’t know what to say or do to ease the pain of another.

I know I’ve told my story before and some of you may be tired of hearing it but, nonetheless, I feel it is necessary to start there again this morning as I only want to bring more attention to this issue that, by God’s Grace, perhaps just one soul can be saved from this fate.

My Story (Again)

Just five short years ago, I lost someone who held a piece of my heart for quite some time to the beast I call depression. She battled every night in her dreams with demons I simply couldn’t see, nor did I know what to do to help her fight those battles.

After she passed, my world turned upside-down. The same depression she suffered from attacked me with scathing ferocity digging it’s talons into my very soul.

I missed work. Drank more than any one man, or woman, should ever have the capacity to do. I didn’t really sleep but, instead, would lie on my floor endlessly sobbing curled-up in a naked little ball (not a pretty picture indeed).

Taking my own life was a very serious possibility as I really didn’t think I could endure the pain any longer. I thought about them all: hanging, guns and knives, asphyxiation, stepping in front of a moving train or riding my bike head-on into the grill of an on-coming dump truck on Loxahatchee Road where a lot of construction was going on. All these things, I considered would end my suffering but, apparently, God had another idea.

That one day, in the early morning hours, as I had once again talked myself out of these ridiculous options, I stood up from the floor and looked to my left where I saw a dusty old Bible lying on the table in my dining room. Obviously, it hadn’t been opened in a long time.

I walked to the table and simply opened it up. I glanced down, struggling to read any words and found this:

Malachi 4:2 – “But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays. And you will go out and frolic like well-fed calves.”

Sunrise! Yes, that sounded like something that might help me. After all, it was only 3:30 in the morning and surely the beach would have no people.

I road Betsy (my motorcycle) to the beach that morning and waited for the Sun. I felt it. I felt the “healing in its rays” and I knew then, this was where I would find my strength.

When I returned home later that morning, my Bible was still on the table. I had left it opened when I departed and, from what I could see, it looked as though the light breeze from the air-conditioning had shuffled the pages a bit.

Once more, I glanced down to see what I might read:

Matthew 11:28-30 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I had, most definitely, found my answer.

What is it Like?

I have spent quite a bit of time trying to understand more about depression and sadness. What are the major causes? What can we do to help when we finally recognize the signs?

A good friend of mine has a daughter that had suffered depression. Today, they will remain nameless but she posted something on Facebook Saturday which I think says a lot.

“The pain of depression cannot be described. It is a dark, lonely, hopeless place. The sound of birds chirping in the morning and the first crack of daylight are a living hell because it means you need to face another unbearable day of pain. It is a dark scary tunnel from which you cannot escape. A nightmare from which you can’t awaken. And as we’ve seen this week, no one is immune. No matter how much money you have. Or success. Or even blessings.”

Can you imagine feeling that way every day? How sad. I cannot even think about how the sweet sound of morning birds can send someone into a panic about the approaching day.

What are the Signs?

There are so many signs of depression. Some of them more apparent than others but too many of them hidden beneath the surface of a smiling face.

Here are some that you might not even realize… let’s start here:

  • Always tired.
  • Everything and everyone is annoying.
  • Sleeping too little or far too much.
  • Eating is an issue. (too much or too little)
  • The bodies seem to ache everywhere.
  • Not caring about appearances.
  • Hiding from people.
  • No interests.
  • No concentration.
  • Dying is always on the mind.

If you know of anyone that fits these symptoms, or you yourself feel this way, please seek help.

What Does a Brother or Sister in Christ See?

The Bible tells us to see things differently, not as we see, but as God sees.

2 Corinthians 4:18 – “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

So, what do you see?

A son arguing with his Father or daughter with her Mother. What do you see… a bratty little kid showing no respect for his parents and just wanting to shun authority?

What has Christ taught me to see? A Father not realizing his son’s desire for independence and striving for respect and a son not yet realizing in his Father’s Love and his need to teach and protect him.

A crotch-rocket tearing down I95, veering in and out of traffic at a speed well above the limit. What do you see… a raging idiot with a brain the size of a pea with no respect or concern for himself or any of those around him?

What has Christ taught me to see? Aaaa… yeah, I see the same thing! 😉

A drunk man or woman across the bar slurring their words and annoying others. What do you see… a slobbering moron that doesn’t know how to control themselves or their drinking?

What has Christ taught me to see? I see Jesus sitting beside them, looking at me, as if to say… “this person is lonely and in need of company and conversation.”

Remember Jared? An old man sitting on a bench at the beach watching the Sunrise with his cane at his side. He keeps hacking up mucus from his throat and spitting on the beach. What do you see… a disgusting old man showing no respect for the beach or the sanctity of the Sunrise?

What has Christ taught me to see? I saw Jesus standing behind him… arms wide open and looking at me as if to say, “This man is lonely and misses his wife. You need to let him know I’ve got her and she’s just fine.”

Learn to see others differently and, perhaps, we can recognize the signs we must at just the right times.

What Can I Do?

This is not an easy question to answer as it would depend on so many extenuating circumstances to narrow down the options. Let start with some suggestions that I try every time I see someone looking lonely or sad.

Talk to Them

I’m not asking you to further enhance their sadness by talking about them specifically. Instead, find something positive to talk about. Talk about the weather; current events (although that can be saddening as well); talk about their job… finding ways in what they say that you might boost their opinions of themselves (i.e. Wow, that sounds really difficult); if they’re willing to listen, talk about your God.

Surprise Them

Life can be a bear. We all go through a lot of trials and tribulations throughout our lives. Try something simple to help “make their day.” Here are a couple I’ve tried.

Example #1: A woman in my office was having a really rough week. I could see it on her face. She didn’t smile at all and actually looked as though she was about to cry every day. On Friday, knowing her love for chocolate, I came back from a customer’s site with a big Hershey Bar.

Her face lit up like the 4th of July and she walked around the office the rest of the day with a big smile on her face.

Example #2: Our office cleaning people have a tough job. My co-workers are slobs! I can see it all week: coffee grounds staining the counter-tops; finger-print stains all over the refrigerator and microwave; dirt and leaves all over the hallways.

They only come in once a week (Fridays) and have a ton of cleaning to do. This last Friday as I was leaving work, I took two clean sheets of paper-towel, folded them in half and drew a big smiley-face and wrote “You guys are doing great! Thanks for all you do!”

When I came in Saturday morning, there was a note on my desk:

“Good Morning Mr. Woody, May your day be filled with joy and good health.” And a little smiley-face in return.

Simple Things

As I’ve talked about with Makayla, it’s the simple things in life that matter the most! This is something I strongly believe in as I’ve seen the impact of what they can mean to someone struggling to get through the day.

  • Simple hellos and good-byes.
  • A smile… make ‘em smile back.
  • A peck on the cheek or a touch of their hair.
  • A good, strong hug (this can be a big one)!
  • Bring them something small but meaningful.
  • Tell them how important they are.
  • BIG ONE – Let them know you care!

Introduce Them to Your God

As I mentioned earlier, I found my path to peace… through God The Father, Christ The Son and being filled with The Holy Spirit. This Holy Trinity gives me peace in times of sorrow; gives me strength when I am weak; gives me wisdom when I’m feeling ignorant; and Love when my heart is aching.

Like we read from Matthew 11, “His yoke is easy and His burden is light.” Help them to understand the powerful meaning in these words from Christ.

One of my favorite verses from Psalm…

Psalm 40:1-3 – “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the desolate pit, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.”

Why God?

Nobody has really found the “cause” of depression nor is there a surefire “cure.” The one thing that I personally know is “change” can cause a huge shift in our moods.

It seems that changes are commonplace in our world. Everyday there is something new; something different; and something we may not understand or even want to try.

The “one thing” we can always rely on is God! God is today what He has always been… and that, is something I put great faith in.

Hebrews 13:8 – “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

James 1:17 – “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

Music

I get great inspiration from music. You may have seen that when Sandra was singing or when we had our two lovely ladies singing last weekend.

I usually spend at least 2-3 hours listening on the weekends as I prepare these little lessons. I’d like to take a moment and provide you with some of the inspirational lyrics I listened to yesterday as I thought about this topic for today:

My one defense, my righteousness, oh God… how I need you… every hour, I need you. When I cannot stand, I’ll fall on you.

Yesterday’s a closing door, you don’t live there anymore. Say good-bye to where you’ve been. Step into the light of Grace… Leave the darkness, feel the Son! Tell your heart to beat again!

Realize that Christ is yours, and you are His!

Who am I? Why do I deserve this type of Love? It wasn’t me… it was Him! This “man” who calmed the storms. What have I to fear?

When you have the time, set some aside to relax and listen to the music. The songs are easy to find, very inspirational and can bring great peace to an otherwise gloomy environment.

In Conclusion

Sadness and depression are very serious, very real problems in our world. Take the time to recognize them… react to them wisely and help those in need in any way you can.

Rely on God. Believe in Him and believe our Lord and Savior, filled with The Holy Spirit, will give you the tools you need, at the time you need them.

Help others. Help them hear The Word and help them understand. Let them know they are not alone as God is always beside them!

Go with God; be good to one another; always stay humble; always be kind… God Bless!