I’m So Old!
I don’t know if you all know but I’ve got a Birthday coming-up this week. Typically, I would just think, “Oh well, just another year gone by.” But I must tell you, this to me, is a big one! Yes, this week I will have been on this earth for a grand total of 60 years!
I know, to a few of you, this doesn’t seem like an awfully big number. I honestly can’t tell you why, but for some reason, this one seems to be hitting me a little more than all the others… for quite a few different reasons.
Knowing how fast this is coming up I’ve spent a lot of time soul-searching over the last few weeks. I began to remember my youth, all too clearly, and all that life has put me through to get to where I am today.
When We Were Young
How many of you can remember your childhood? Do you still see yourself on that Pop-Warner football field catching the winning touchdown? Do you still see you and your friends camping out in the woods behind your house… staying up all night long telling ghost stories just to see who could scare each other the most?
How about the time you spent all night long laying in the neighbor’s driveway talking to Debbie Yarish in her window, trying to win her heart? She was a pretty blonde girl, with bright blue eyes, living next door that I’d had a crush on since we were both about 10 years-old.
Yes, that was me. Just being a little boy trying so desperately to become a man and tripping all over myself doing so. I wanted to be tough. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be better than all the others.
As We Grew
Now, looking back as I started to grow, I can see how life started changing me. When I reached High School, while still being very interested in the Debbie Yarish’s of the world and trying to understand everything the teachers were trying to teach me, I started working.
I really enjoyed that $2.30 and hour and wanted more. I wanted a car; I wanted a new dirt-bike; I wanted to be able to take the Debbie Yarish’s to the nicest restaurants and best movie theaters in our area… because this what “being a man” was all about!
Well, long story short, I never did form a relationship with Debbie but met one of our football cheerleaders and fell head-over-heels for her. She was the “perfect girl” in every way. She was pretty, smart; and… as a cheerleader, obviously very athletic. Yup… this was the one!
Entering Adulthood
I graduated early from High School by doubling-up on classes in my junior and senior years. Graduating in January, of 1977, I enlisted in the United States Air Force and asked my cheerleader girlfriend to become my wife. Yes, I know, WAY too young and foolish but, nonetheless, I did it.
We were stationed at McGuire AFB in Wrightstown NJ. Imagine that… I joined the military to see the world and wound-up in New Jersey for 6-years.
Then what happened? BANG! SURPRISE… we’re going to have a baby! Okay, this was an unexpected treat. Here I am at only 18 years-old and I’m about to have a child of my own!
Well, on January 19th, 1978… God granted us an 8 lb., 7 ounce bouncing baby boy! 19-1/2” long with a HUGE head! Mommy definitely wasn’t going natural with that childbirth. Thankfully, he was heathy, and the doctors let us take him home three days later.
During all this time together, I had taken-up Martial Arts… Tang Soo Do to be precise and became quite proficient at it. I won more fights than I lost and actually won a tri-State championship (NY, NJ, PA) … walking away with a 6-foot trophy and a brand new 10-speed bicycle!
Again, long story short and unfortunate, that marriage didn’t last much longer. I guess we were really just too young and not ready for parenthood so we wound-up parting ways.
Lucky for me, I was awarded custody of my young son and raised him until he was 7 years-old. After that time, his mother had re-married and we both thought my little boy would be in a much better environment with his mother and her new husband.
Earning A Living
The last 30 years or so I’ve been struggling to earn a living in this world of ours where competition is great, and employers are pretty cheap in terms of paying suitable wages.
I made it once. I had all the “niceties” this life could ask for: big salary; nice house with a swimming pool; nice car (convertible Audi TT) which I spent more money on than I had ever done in my entire life… made me nauseous actually.
I also had that “circle of friends.” You know the ones, people making similar money with all the goodies I had as well. We’d get together frequently and boast about our accomplishments. We were truly among the “Elite of Boca” back then.
Then “IT” happened. Tragedy struck my life. I won’t go into details of all that as most of you already know that story. I lost my high-paying job; my beautiful car was re-po’d and my ritzy friends all seemed to disappear from life… I wasn’t “a part of them” any longer as I no longer fit the role.
Looking Back… Five More Minutes
(Scotty McCreery)
How many of you here ever look back on your youth? How many wish you could go back, just for five more minutes, just to see if you could still be “that person” just one more time?
- I want to lie in that driveway all night… for just five more minutes!
- I want to catch that winning touchdown just one more time!
- I want to stock those grocery shelves better than any other employee in the store… for just five more minutes!
- I want to spend just five more minutes with my infant son, so I can recall the deep sense of love I had for him and his mother.
- I want to get in that ring and fight again, win again and bring home the great big trophy… for just five more minutes!
- I want the one I lost to come back, sit with me and talk… for just five more minutes.
- I want that big paycheck back so, maybe this time, I’ll put the money away and not waste it on people who really didn’t care in the first place!
Where Was God?
Does anyone see what was missing throughout all these past-history stories I’ve been telling you? Can anyone tell me what I have in my life now that I apparently ignored in my youth and as I tried to grow? Yes, it was God!
As hard as my Mother tried to put God into my life, I was too busy “growing-up” to let Him in. I was too involved with trying to accomplish all the things this society would have me do instead of relying on God to guide my path; my decisions; and every move of my life.
Now it’s too late. Now I’m old and gray and this vessel is starting to break-down more and more every day and I am nowhere near the man that I used to be long ago.
Good News
Okay, now that I’ve depressed everyone and made you hate the fact that we can’t help but get older, let me give you some encouragement from the Bible to help you understand God’s wisdom and compassion.
Yes, I’ve gone gray, so what?
Proverbs 16:31 – “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.”
Yes, I’m not young anymore…
Proverbs 20:29 – “The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.”
Yes, I don’t have a lot of money…
Hebrews 13:5 – “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”
Yes, I worry about tomorrow…
James 4:14 – “Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
How God Sees You
What do you see when you look in the mirror today? Do you look at yourself as old… gray… run-down and beaten? Or, do you look at yourself as God looks at you?
In His Eyes…
- I am that little boy!
- I am the all-star football player!
- I am the Earthly Father to my children!
- I am the fighter… I fight for Him!
- For those I’ve lost, they’re with Him… and He is taking care of them until He calls me home!
- In Him, I am the richest man on the planet!
The Bible tells me…
I am in Christ and I have been reborn!
2 Corinthians 5:17 – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come”
I am a part of His chosen race and I walk in His marvelous light!
1 Peter 2:9 – “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
In Him, I am still the fighter!
Romans 8:37 – “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
Now, one of my favorites from the Bible on how God sees us…
1 Samuel 16:7 – “But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.’”
Yes, just as a Mother sees her children as the little rug-rats they used to be after they too have grown-up and become gray… our God sees us in the same fashion. He sees our heart and not our outward appearance.
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In Conclusion
Know and understand these things I have said today. Don’t
regret your past. Remember it… treasure it and remember the lessons you’ve
learned and how you have become so much wiser than your youth. You are stronger
than you know as you have the almighty Father in Heaven on your side and He
watches over you every day of your life with even more compassion than a Mother!
Remember how God sees you and not how this world sees you or
even how you see yourself… be reminded, every day, of His great Love for you…
His child.
Go with God; be good
to one another; always stay humble; always be kind… God Bless (Amen)